Empty Nest

Alien teen, disconnected. I never felt a part of, more like I was a bystander, analyzing, trying so hard, never feeling inside, out out out, always out. What is that game they play? What are the rules? With my children, now that was different. Things just flowed, we had real fun and I gave and they took and didn't expect me to fit, or conform, or, unagreeing, agree. I was a we except not anymore. They are grown and I am alone again, making the same choices, trying to figure out how to traverse relationships. And the analyzing, I still do and wonder do I really want to sniff out the cheese? Are the sacrifices, twists and travails worth the social rewards of having friends? F. Scott Fitzgerald said "It is in the thirties that we want friends. In the forties we know they won't save us any more than love did." Now that, I agree with.

Here I sit, waiting for grandchildren so I can have someone to play with. Is this my "Empty Nest"?