A male friend asked me why women apologize when we haven't done anything wrong. Here is what I told him:
I say "I am sorry" because I am polite and choose to diffuse. I do not apologize for myself except when I am truly at fault. Sorry does not only mean apology. As a matter of fact, apology is only a small portion of the definition of sorry. I won’t bore you with all the meanings here. Look it up.
Back to sorry…When I say I’m sorry you are upset, I am not apologizing, I am stating a fact. I am sorry that you are upset. Firstly, as an empathetic person, I really AM sorry you are upset. Upset is not a good place to be. Happy is a good place to be. Mellow is a good place to be. Upset, not so good. I feel your suffering in your upset place and am sorry FOR YOU. Secondly, when you are upset it colors the atmosphere around you and I happen to be in that atmosphere of your upset. Consequently, I am affected by your upset in an existential way.
I will continue to say I am sorry. The world is a place full of hurt and I am very sorry for those who suffer, even if it is at the hands of their own twisted psychs.
I think the woman’s sorry you speak of is part of who we are, empathetic, nurturing, caring. These are generally not traits associated with men.
I’m sorry if you have had difficulties in the past with understanding the nature of the female sorry. I am sorry for you because it caused you to view women as other than they actually were. What you apparently perceive as weakness is actually giving, loving and caring.
I hope I have helped you see our sorry for what it is, a selfless (sometimes) verbal pat on the back.
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